I'm Getting Old and Terrified of Being a Mom

Great title huh? Well, here's lemme explain:

So, Saturday night, DH and I decided to hit up our church's carnival. The weather had been bad Wed-Friday and Saturday it was supposed to rain, but it held out and off we went. My nephew's were there (12 and 6) when we arrived and saw my mom and sister selling 50/50's. It was after 930 and the carnival ended at 11. I saw my dad who works in the beer garden, and he was almost taken to the hospital because he had crushed his finger between two full kegs (OUCH). It was all black and blue and bleeding, but he didn't want to go to the hospital so the EMT's wrapped it up. He had to one up me. I was in the ambulance at the carnival last year when my brother in law shot me in the eye at point blank range with a toy gun...I thought I was going to be blind....so not fun.

So, after we did our rounds, my youngest nephew wanted to go on rides and his father was drinking in the beer garden and you can't take the beer outside that area, so DH and I decided to take them on some rides. My mom gave me 15 tix for the youngest one so off we went. Well, the two boys wanted to go on the ferris wheel together. My oldest nephew, I call him Satan Jr. I have ever since he was a baby...he was a bad baby, never slept, cried, the works..and he still does...he's the typical 'bad boy kid' So the two of them get on the ferris wheel and DH and I wait by the exit. It was 10 ticket's for the 2 of them (5 each). And the tickets were $1.25 each...so that's $12.50 for ONE ride...that's a lot of money! Anywho...before the ride starts, my oldest nephew starts shaking the ride. I told him before they even went on not to do that....because the younger nephew will be too scared, and because just a few weeks ago a child died on a ferris wheel by falling out, probably from doing something she wasn't supposed to do. And I'm the one that's going to be responsible for them if something happens. So of course, the guy saw it and told him not to do that. So they go around one time and towards the top, I see their cart moving around. I tell DH and he's like 'Calm down, everyone does that'. Hmph. Yes, he's right, I used to do that. My mom was TERRIFIED of ferris wheels because her father fell out of one years ago (he lived)...but when my sister and I were kids, we'd get her on the ferris wheel and move it all around to scare her. Now, if I go on and someone shakes it, I may kill them LOL. So the guy sees that, so when they come down by him, he stops the ride and tells him if he does it again, they are off the ride. So I walk up to him, and I'm like 'Yes, please, if he does please yank them off...don't feel bad.' Guy smiled. So they went around two more times, then off they came. My younger nephew was terrified. So my older one comes off and I gave him lip. He just wasted $12 of his grandmother's money (who hasn't worked in 2 years b/c she got laid off) and his brother didn't even get to enjoy the ride and they were HIS tickets. So off we went back to their parents and I told them. My brother in law laughed. My mother yelled at him. My sister was oblivious I think. So the younger one has 5 tickets left and didn't get to enjoy the ride. So DH and I go buy more tickets and he wants to go on the scrambler with DH. Then the older nephew talks to him and then he says he wants to go on with his older brother. Told the older one, fine, they go buy your own tickets. hahaha (I'm such a brat!). Told him the sign says if he's a certain height, he has to go with an adult and his brother isn't an adult, so the older one storms off. So DH and my younger nephew go on the scrambler and I stand and watch.

As I'm watching, I glance over at other rides. There's the Buccaneer. It's the one that just goes high in the air, like a pendulum. I love that ride. Always did...even the last time I went on it, I went w/ a friend. And the bar never latched...I was terrified...I thought I was going to fall out. I'm tiny and when that thing goes in the air, I was airborne. But now when I see the rides, I get scared. Maybe I watch too many movies (final destination anyone?). I'm always afraid that ride won't stop and go upside down and people will fall out. Then the scrambler. I'm standing and leaning against the rail. And the carts are coming awful close. So I start to look at all the mechanics behind it, thinking "I hope everything's screwed in tight" And then I back away from standing so close to the rail, just in case a cart comes off and hurdles itself at me.

When did I become so, scared? I used to love rides, now I'm second guessing even my nephew going on them. So off they come and he wants to go on the ferris wheel with me. It's not a big ferris wheel. Shoot, I've been on the one in wildwood, in a thunderstorm, stuck at the tippy top. I should be fine. So we got on and I'm terrified! We get to the top and I'm like 'I hope this cart is fastened' LOL. What am I going to do when I have kids? and if I have a boy with no fear that wants to go on the biggest and highest coaster? Dear old mom ain't going on!

And when the kids act up, like my nephew, then what? I will be looked upon as a bad parent b/c the boy don't listen. And you can't give the kids a good whack anymore. I used to get hit when I did something wrong. I'm not condoning it, but that's why I'm such a goody goody. I knew right from wrong early on. And I knew if I did something wrong, I was getting hit with a hand or a belt (or both!) so I learned pretty quick. Nowadays, you can't hit your kids...but boy did I want to give a good slap in the rear to my nephew that night!