Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Irrational Fear of Flying

Who would think that this pretty little bride would have a freak out/panic attack in a mere 40 some hours later? Well, it did. Our wedding was fabulous, and we had a great all-inclusive honeymoon planned for Aruba. we were going to have a great time and celebrate our marriage. Fast forward to 40 some hours later. We woke up early to catch our flight. I felt so sick to my stomach. I didn't even put makeup on. I threw on my dress (I had to look like a newlywed!) and my flip flops and out the door. DH had the bags packed so when my mom rang the door bell, off he went to load the car. My mother had just gotten a brand new car and offered to drive us to the airport since she worked right in the vicinity. As soon as she saw me, she knew something was wrong. I told her I was driving her car to the airport (I sometimes get carsick, and since I already felt sick, I needed to drive to not get sick). She immediately handed me the keys. We got to the airport and my mom dropped us off at the door (back when I used to fly when I was little, the parents/friends/family could go to the actual gate and wave goodbye, not no more!). We checked in and the entire time, I'm telling DH that I feel like I'm gonna hurl (which I won't do in public...I have a thing about that). We go through to the TSA agents, and I got along great with the one lady there...we chatted the entire time. We walked to the gate and my anxiety is rising. we get to the gate and I tell DH that I wanna be the last one on...thinking that that will make me feel better...less time on the plane the better. I buy a soda to take my xanax with and he goes to the bathroom. I can't sit still, so I take my carry on (the wheely bag thing) and I pace around the people mover. DH comes out and is like 'That can't be good'. He asks if I took my pill. 'Nope' I say, I don't wanna take it. I had it in my hand, but couldn't do it. I'm weird like that too. The pharmaceutical companies push drugs for every little thing, and I don't agree with that. I take one pill a day, which I need to, and I take vitamins when I feel sick and I take some cold meds, but I hate doing that. So we get on the plane and I full on freak out. Crying in DH's lap. Like a little girl. I also don't like to cry in public, but that went out the window when we sat down. The poor guy next to us lol. Finally he's like 'look, we're in this marriage together. If you stay on this plane, our honeymoon will be ruined b/c all you will think about is the plane ride home, and you won't enjoy it' So we get off the plane. The pilots even came out to try to get me to stay on the plane...the one pilot offered to do shots with me at the bar (I doubt he woulda done it, but I believe he woulda bought me some shots at the bar), but DH grabbed our stuff and was like 'Don't talk to her, let her be' and off we went. I don't know what the hell happened to me b/c I've flown before, and never had an issue like this...maybe the first time I flew, but I was like 5 and watched with my parents the night before a movie about a plane crash...duh.

I do remember one time I did have a similar freak out episode, but not on the plane. I have only flown to Florida, a nice short flight from Jersey. I believe I was with my sister when this freak out happened. We were coming home and while at the airport, the sky got black. I don't mean dark, I mean black! These storms happen all the time in Florida. For like 20 minutes, it's the worst storm ever, then the sun comes out and all is okay. Well, we were about to board when the sky turned black and the heavens opened up. I refused, I mean REFUSED to get on the plane b/c I thought they were going to take off...and me being like 9 or 10 clearly knew more then the older pilots, right? I wasn't stupid...they were going to take off in the storm...I'm no dummy! Well, the pilots come out, as well as the stewardesses (flight attendants) to assure me that we'd just taxi around and not take off until the storm passed. My response 'Oh, ok...well I'll save you some gas in that thing and I'll wait here til it's over...then I will board then we can take off' hahahaha, OMG I wish I had a video camera for this. The pleaded with me, and I was like 'You can call my father then if you don't like my response' HA! I was always a little smartass! But I finally gave in (and the storm was just about over) and I boarded and we took off a little while later.

I don't know if it's because I'm older and I know more about the world, or that I just worry too much. I think my biggest concern is getting motion sick on the plane...which there is a patch for (but I read some horror stories on that) and the Sea Bands, which I'm more inclined to take. I think now if I had a freak out on the plane I can control it...I do have the Xanax, got some more for when we were planning a plane trip. I took one a few months back to see it's effects on me...and it knocked me out .5 mg. I was kinda tired when I took it, then I passed out...woke up a few hours later when DH woke me to eat, had some pizza then back to bed. Now that does NOT sound like a fun day for a vacation, to be out of it and all groggy. even the next day I had no energy. I'd rather do it non medicinally.

I just wish I could overcome this stupid, yes STUPID fear!